Has Covid-19 got you trapped in an unhappy marriage?

It’s been a tough seven months for everyone, worldwide. Covid has us trapped. We all have the same questions constantly on our minds. Will I or my loved ones get sick? Will I be able to keep food on my table and a roof over my head? Will the economy collapse? Will the schools open and will it be safe for my children to attend? Will there be a vaccination?

Will life ever go back to normal?

This new reality we’re living with has shone a spotlight on unhappy marriages. Fear and uncertainty makes us more vulnerable to everyday stresses and one can no longer hide from the cracks and fissures in a failing relationship. Literally. There’s nowhere to go.

Before Coronavirus, when families weren’t living on top of each other, it was possible to ignore, avoid or even be unaware of the rifts in relationships. One could physically step away, outside the home to blow off built up steam. But when the family is in lockdown, the pressure valves are closed and pent up feelings burst out into the open.

Couples would be very wise to seek marriage counselling when this happens because the majority will be able to work together to resolve issues in spite of the pandemic challenges and will emerge stronger.

Unfortunately, that is not always the case and we’ve been very busy meeting with clients who have had enough and are ready for divorce.

So this year, as we’re entering the high holidays, try to find some time (before the next lockdown) to do your own “chesbon hanefesh,” (self-evaluation – accounting of the soul) on lots of things – but especially on your relationship.

Ask yourself, how you will prevent yourself from having a “blowout” when the pressure builds up. Are you trapped in an unhappy marriage? If you’re unhappy and having trouble envisioning spending the rest of your life together, have you considered counselling? And if you have decided that it’s time to end your relationship, you need to start asking yourself some questions.

How will you keep your cool and avoid exploding and possibly acting in a way that will harm your plans in case you decide to leave?

Have you determined what steps you’ll take to move forward?

Do you want to make changes in your relationship immediately?

Have you thought about what a divorced life would look like?

Where would you live?

How will you collectively afford two households?

When will the kids be with you and when with your spouse etc.?

These are all things to consider.

But please remember, if you are considering any changes in your marital status – none should be made (and maybe not even discussed with your spouse) without talking to a competent family law attorney first.

My blessing for you and all of your families and loved ones is for health, financial and physical security for this new year of 5781, and may the whole world – via G-ds grace through modern technology, be able to rid itself of Covid-19 by this time next year.

L’Shana Tova v’ Matuka, Tickatevu v’Titchatemu. לשנה טובה ומתוקה תכתיבו ותתחתמו

May you all be inscribed and sealed for a good and sweet year.

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