By Anat Baruch Hait, Couple’s Counsellor and Mediator (for Hebrew speakers)

Everyone looks so happy.

Scrolling through social media, you see couples laughing together, hugging, enjoying romantic dinners, snapping sunset photos at Givat HaRakafot with iced coffee in hand. Beautiful plates on candlelit tables. Soft glances caught “accidentally” on camera.

It all looks effortless.

But how does it actually feel in your own home?

Maybe you’re sitting on the couch in sweatpants, glancing over your phone at your husband sitting just a meter and a half away — yet somehow he feels like he’s in another universe.

Yesterday you came home from the salon with fresh highlights — 600 shekels plus a tip — and he didn’t even look up from his phone.

On Shabbat you wore a new blouse. He didn’t notice.

And the arguments? The small, constant ones.

Who forgot to take out the trash.
Who left the towel on the floor.
Who is picking up the kids.
Who forgot the birthday or the anniversary.

And when he shows up two hours late without saying a word, you’re told you’re “making a big deal.”

Meanwhile, your neighbors walk out hand in hand for a date night, looking like a poster from a romantic movie.

You see her posting something poetic about a “bonfire of love,” while the only thing burning in your house is the anger you felt when he answered a work call in the middle of the movie you were supposed to watch together.

Sometimes you wonder quietly:

Is it just me?

Are all the other couples happy while I’m the only one in a struggling relationship?

The Moment That Changed My Perspective

One day I met a close friend for coffee.

You know the type — the one with perfect ski-trip photos, where her husband looks at her like she’s the sun, the moon, and all the stars.

She cried quietly behind her cup.

“We barely talk,” she whispered.

“At that fancy restaurant? Five minutes before the perfect photo, we were whisper-fighting because he was answering work messages during our date.”

That’s when something became very clear.

Everyone posts their perfect moments.

But no one photographs the silence when there’s nothing left to say.
No one uploads a picture of another night sleeping back-to-back.

Do We Even Know What Our Partners Feel?

In many relationships, partners slowly stop sharing their inner world.

We assume things. We interpret silence. We build stories in our heads. Meanwhile, the other person may be experiencing the relationship very differently.

And instead of talking honestly, we keep comparing our lives to curated snapshots online.

Maybe We Should Stop Chasing “Perfect”

What if, instead of chasing perfect relationships, we started building real ones?

Instead of silently feeling hurt, we might simply say:

“Hey, I’d really love it if you noticed my new haircut.”

Instead of waiting for a romantic movie moment, we could start real conversations:

“It bothers me when you don’t ask how my day was.”

Real connection doesn’t come from dramatic gestures. It grows through honest communication.

Real Relationships Happen in the In-Between

Life doesn’t look like Instagram — and that’s okay.

Real relationships include good days and difficult ones. Sunny moments and gray ones.

Sometimes the spark gets buried under routines, work, bills, and raising children.

But often, it’s still there.

Not in perfect photos — but in small moments:

A quick glance across the table.
A hand squeezed during a stressful day.
The quiet decision to keep choosing each other, even when things feel hard.

Real relationships live in those in-between moments.

So I’m curious — how are you coping in your relationship?

If you’re looking for a space to talk honestly about what’s really happening between you and your partner — beyond filters and perfect photos — I currently have a few open spots for couples counselling next week.

Ready to take the next step?

To discuss how we can help you achieve your goals, reach out to Anat directly. (Hebrew speakers only)

Email: anatbh123@gmail.com

Call: 054-599-9637

Website: https://www.anatbh.co.il/