Many individuals in multinational marriages face a terrifying prospect during divorce: the threat that their spouse will take their children to another country. This fear often keeps people trapped in unhealthy or controlling relationships. Today, I’m addressing a question from a client that illustrates this all-too-common situation.

The Question

Hi Jay,

I hope you are well. I am looking for information about international laws regarding child custody. Our back story: I made Aliyah back in 2012, married an Israeli and had our 4 kids in Tel Aviv. We own an apartment in Israel and rent it out. We have bank accounts still there. We all have US and Israeli citizenship. In 2018, we moved back to the US (children were 6, 3, 3 and 6 months at the time) and have resided in New York for the last 6 years. We own 2 houses here and rent them out and both work full time.

I have not started the divorce process yet and wanted to get as much information as possible first. My husband has threatened me in the past if I divorce him he will take the kids back to Israel. I need to know how true this could be. Can he file for custody there if most of their life has been here? This is the main reason I have not left him and continue to endure his control and punishment on a daily basis.

My Answer

The short answer: Your husband can file whatever he wants in Israel, but in a jurisdictional battle, New York courts will almost certainly maintain decision-making authority over your children’s custody.

Let me break this down further:

1. Jurisdiction matters significantly in international custody cases. Since your children have lived in New York for six years—most of their lives for the younger ones—New York has established itself as their “home state” under the law.
2. The Hague Convention protects you. Both the United States and Israel are signatories to the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. This means that if your husband takes the children to Israel without your consent or a court order, it would legally constitute international kidnapping.
3. Return would be legally mandated. While the process can be expensive, the Hague Convention provides a clear legal framework for the prompt return of children wrongfully removed from their habitual residence.
4. New York courts will decide. Unless and until a New York judge determines that the children should relocate to Israel (which is unlikely given the circumstances you’ve described), they cannot be legally relocated.

Breaking Free from Control

What I find most concerning in your question is the statement that this threat is “the main reason I have not left him and continue to endure his control and punishment on a daily basis.”

This type of control tactic—threatening to take children away—is unfortunately common in toxic relationships with international dimensions. Understanding your legal protections can be the first step toward breaking free from this control.

Next Steps to Consider

If you’re in a similar situation, here are some steps to consider:

1. Document everything. Keep records of threats about taking the children, especially if made via text or email.
2. Secure important documents. Make copies of passports, birth certificates, and other important paperwork.
3. Consult with an attorney experienced in international family law. They can help you develop a strategic plan before filing for divorce.
4. Consider requesting temporary orders. Once you do file for divorce, you can ask the court for temporary orders preventing your spouse from removing the children from the state or country.
5. Explore safety planning. If control and punishment are part of your daily life, connect with domestic violence resources that can help you plan a safe exit.

Remember: The Law Is On Your Side

While international custody issues add complexity to divorce, the law generally protects children’s stability and connection to their primary residence. Don’t let threats about taking children to another country keep you trapped in an unhealthy situation.

If you’re facing international custody concerns or other complex divorce matters, please reach out to schedule a consultation. Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to protecting yourself and your children.

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Disclaimer: This blog post provides general legal information and should not be construed as legal advice for any individual case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.

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